"Bob", Texas, The Church! « Quest For Slack

Sunday, November 04, 2007

"Bob", Texas, The Church!

KNOCKIN' ON "BOB'S" DOOR

Texas. A very strange state. Not a state in a geographical sense, but a state of mind. A country within a country. More blondes per square inch than any other state in the union. More beauty queen winners than any other state. Acknowledged to have the best cheerleaders in football.

I don't know what's in the water in Texas, but clearly they should bottle and sell it!

How different is Texas? The state song of Texas is about a high yellow. The old term for a racially mixed person. Don't believe me? Here are the original words to THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS:

There's a yellow rose in Texas, that I am going to see,
No other darky [sic] knows her, no darky only me
She cryed [sic] so when I left her it like to broke my heart,
And if I ever find her, we nevermore will part.

[Chorus]

She's the sweetest rose of color this darky ever knew,
Her eyes are bright as diamonds,they sparkle like the dew;
You may talk about your Dearest May, and sing of Rosa Lee,
But the Yellow Rose of Texas beats the belles of Tennessee.

When the Rio Grande is flowing, the starry skies are bright,
She walks along the river in the quite [sic] summer night:
She thinks if I remember, when we parted long ago,
I promised to come back again, and not to leave her so.

[Chorus]

Oh now I'm going to find her, for my heart is full of woe,
And we'll sing the songs togeather [sic], that we sung so long ago
We'll play the bango gaily, and we'll sing the songs of yore,
And the Yellow Rose of Texas shall be mine forevermore.

[Chorus]

That's the State anthem!

People have guns but refrain from shooting up schools. Rednecks watch on the border for illegals slipping in to take jobs they don't want. Good old boys.

How many people know that the people who died in the Alamo, were fighting to create a slave state?

So what happens if you aren't a stunning blonde, gun totin', beer swillin', country music listenin' redneck in Texas?

You sit on your porch and sip your hard liquor, eat moonpies, drink RC Cola and bark at the moon, that's what. With your friends.You listen to FIRESIGN THEATER and make home movies. Because under the stars and the big wide open spaces there is room to blow your mind and put it back together again. To go wanderin' into the desert and find adventure.

As the bottle was passed around Doug Smith hit on an idea. "I want to make a movie. Maybe claymation." Claymation. A pain in the ass frame by fame pre-computer way to make cool films. The choice was that or drink. So he made a movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP3P-ZVv91Q and he enlisted help from his friends. But they all needed cooler names. Groggy from booze these rednecks sitting on a porch and howlin' at the moon would become others. There was Buck Naked and his cowboy hat. Philo Drummond the keeper of the flame. Sterno Keckhaver the opener of the sacred booze bottles. Doug became Ivan Stang. How do you stay hip in Texas? You create your own state of mind. You create, your own state.

In the desert you take the right combination of frop (the Sacred Smoke), 'shrooms (ask your kids), and the Holy Liquid That Kicks Our Ass (booze) you can dismantle the universe and put it back together again. You listen to NICK DANGER and I THINK WE'RE ALL BOZO'S ON THIS BUS http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPrmD2g3KNc and you wait for divine revelation.

You wait, for "Bob".

You get to introduce yourself as Buck Naked to strangers. ("It's ok honey, he's from Texas".)

You stagger from the porch on so many nights trying to remember why you laughed so hard. You listen to preachers on AM radio late at night ranting about the conspiracies that run everything. The Zionist Occupation Government, the UFO cover-ups, cattle mutilations, abductions- to flying saucers. The Illuminati. The Freemasons. Scientology. The vast left/right wing conspiracies. Not only did Lee Harvey Oswald not kill JFK, everyone at the Plaza was armed and firing at him.

The hollow earth, the flat earth, Stonehenge. Redneck preachers with the message. It wasn't enough to believe in God, not when reptile like creatures roamed the Earth- searching for Us against Them. Especially when them was a vast conspiracy aimed at destroying Texas.

By God they can take down New York, but don't mess with Texas.

The peak passes and you start to re-awaken to reality after all that.

But how do you put it all together?

So the good old boys put what's left of their minds that fateful evening together. Why not put together a state of mind that appeals to people who dig hip stuff looked on with confusion by the real them. Those who think playing music, writing, filmmaking, performance isn't really work.

They couldn't be alone. But what could they discover that would bring this new nation together?

Perhaps, this man- http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6787459861634734507&q=%22Bob%22+Dobbs&total=205&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

Posted at 09:13 am by Psychomike


	Danny November 4, 2007 09:21 AM PST Praise "Bob"! Without him there would be no BURNING MAN, no artists wallowing in their own delusions! More "Bob" please!


	Rev Rover November 4, 2007 10:48 AM PST Great post, a different insight into the Church and why it had to start in Texas! However, I disagree strongly that the cheerleaders for the Cowboys are the hottest. Click on my name for the Patriots cheerleaders. BTW, I understand the Chicago Bears HAVE NO CHEERLEADERS! And haven't won a Superbowl since they got rid of them. Coincidence?


	Rev. Ivan Stang November 4, 2007 12:55 PM PST Pope Flores? When you do your SubGenius Histories, please make sure it's clear they are science fiction. We SubGenii and Texans both appreciate the legend-spreading, don't get me wrong. But sometimes the truth is even weirder. For instance, in the beginning it was just me and Philo, and "Bob," and none of us drank at all. We were 'froppers only. Buck Naked was just a well-meaning fan who later had to be gently drubbed out of the group. Sterno never lived in Texas. Dallas is hundreds of miles from any desert. We were all suburban kids, not rednecks. I went to a fancy prep school. Philo was a phone company executive. Your description of Texas is from old TV commercials and sitcoms, not real life. And as many times as we had to sing Yellow Rose of Texas in school, I never ever heard those lyrics, and in fact this is the first time I've ever encountered those lyrics. They may well be the original lyrics but they aren't the ones that Texans have used during the 50 years I've been a Texan. Most Texas cities are full of Yankees, and rural Texas is basically just like rural Illinois or rural California. If anybody wants to know the weird REAL history of the Church, in excruciating detail, Maybe Logic Academy had me teach an online course in that last year, and we're repeating it in early 2008. Look at http://www.maybelogic.org/instructors.htm and scroll down... it costs $95 but you'll be able to download a 3-DVD multimedia set of text, graphics, and hour upon hour of SubGenius videos and audio. (The Chicago World SubCons are fully covered... there's even videos of the Doktors 4 "Bob" "concert" at the Radisson! And the entire 4-hour Media Barrage of audio from that conclave.


	Pope Flores November 4, 2007 02:29 PM PST Those were the original lyrics. I think from 1836. I know there really is a "Bob" because he signed my book. The Chicago World Subgenius Conventions, which I hosted, are also coming EVENTUALLY. The 82 one which we shared the building with the States Attorneys of the U.S. What a time. Since it took me 48 posts to FINALLY get to "Bob" who knows when that will be. I urge people to send off for the 3-DVD set. And somnewhere around here I have the video of Ivan and I, drunk off our butt in a Pink Boy nightclub ranting. By the way, I didn't say you guys were rednecks: "So what happens if you aren't a stunning blonde, gun totin', beer swillin', country music listenin' redneck in Texas?" though I have been one many times in my past. Slack.


	Pope Flores November 4, 2007 02:38 PM PST Rev Rover, please note the Dallas cheerleader is floating on air. Her feet are not even on the ground. Nuff said!


	Shinequa November 4, 2007 02:40 PM PST Was that really Ivan Stang that posted here? Or someone pretending to be Ivan Stang? Cool if it was! You should have him comment on all your SubG posts! This is one cool blog.


	Pope Flores November 5, 2007 04:11 PM PST Well if we were a book it would have to be published before complaints, other versions, etc could be addressed. On a blog it can be instant. Which to me is very cool. And it's on the same page. Before the Conventions we had film parties, devivals- so it will be awhile. But I will cover all these things as well. I use to joke to my pals that I would write a 20 volume set of my life called CASANOVA 2020, DIARY OF A CAD. Clearly this is it.

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